


re-born

by cuddlypcy



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: (will not be sad), Alternate Universe, ChanKai, M/M, Not Really Character Death, Reborn - Freeform, Some kissing, Very Vague Angst, re-birth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:08:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22443856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddlypcy/pseuds/cuddlypcy
Summary: jongin is re-born into a new body, after an accident that took his life, with only one memory; his husband, park chanyeol.he knows nothing, just that he must find chanyeol once again.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 13
Kudos: 73





	re-born

**Author's Note:**

> this fic took me over a year to finish and i’m pretty happy with it! i hope you all like it too :)

jongin wakes with a start, wincing when he feels his head pounding unbearably. he closes his eyes to try and will the pain away, but it doesn't help. all he can focus on is the faint whisper of a name, a name that sounds familiar, but one that can't put a face to.

he opens his eyes again and slowly sits up, rubbing them as he lets out a yawn. he looks around the room and his stomach drops in confusion. _where am i?_ he stands up off the floor and walks to the blackened window only to see another room with a woman sleeping. _where the hell am i?_

he catches sight of a mirror on the far wall and lets out a scream when he sees his reflection. he runs over to get a closer look and his face pales.

"this isn't me..." he whispers. he lifts his hand and when the reflection does the same, he lets out a shaky breath. he doesn't want to believe that's him, how could he suddenly be in a completely different body?

"someone's playing a trick on me," he says. "very funny, whoever you are! you got me good! but please stop, i just want to go... home."

_where is home?_ jongin remembers nothing, just the one name in the back of his mind.

_park chanyeol._

he knows the name but he can't think why. why can't he remember the man who obviously has a lot of meaning to him?

the door of the room opens and a man dressed in all white walks in, some clean clothes on his arm.

"who are you?" jongin asks. "where am i? why can't i remember anything? who am i?"

"change," the man says, ignoring jongin's questions, "then i'll tell you what i can."

he exits the room, leaving jongin alone to change. once he has, he walks over to the door and turns the handle, sighing in relief when it opens. he steps out and sees the man leaning against the wall.

"follow me, jongin," he says. he starts walking so jongin follows.

"how do you know my name?" he asks.

"i know everything about you."

before jongin can respond, the man ushers him into a room. jongin is almost blinded by the amount of light in the room. it's completely white, no decorations, nothing, only a silver table with two chairs in the middle. the man sits down in one seat so jongin takes the one opposite him then waits for an explanation.

"i can't tell you much, that's for you to figure out," the man starts. "what i can say is your name is kim jongin, which you still remember, and you live in south korea. you were killed in a car accident a few days ago and now you're here."

"i was killed? why am i alive now? why am i in a different body?" jongin asks.

"only one percent of the world's population have the gift you do. you will be re-born if you are killed, but only then. if you die of sickness or natural causes, you won't come back. we don't exactly know why people come back in different bodies, but we do know that the new bodies are usually ones that embody how you've always wanted to look. short people come back tall, brunettes come back blonde, that kind of stuff. it seems that how you look now is a combination of all the things you've wanted. we don't have all the information on this yet."

jongin slumps back against his chair, rubbing his face while trying to digest the information.

"what about my family? will i get to see them again?" he asks.

"you can if you want but they won't know you," the man says. "if i may ask, is there anything you remember from your previous life?"

"i know my name, i remember what i used to look like... i remember a name. i don't know who the person is but i know his name."

"what is it?"

"park chanyeol."

the man nods. "i can only tell you one thing about him."

"i'll take it."

"he's your husband."

_husband?_

jongin leaves the building to find himself in downtown seoul. looking around, he recognizes a tall building and with a closer look, he comes to the conclusion that it's where he used to work.

"move, kid," an old man grumbles as he pushes past jongin. he apologizes but the man is long gone, lost in the sea of people in the midday rush. he can feel eyes on him as he looks around to try and think where to go next, and he feels uncomfortable under the attention. he never remembered having that much attention on him, but then again he didn't look like how he does now.

he spots a coffee shop just across the street and immediately gets a warm chill run up his spine. he must have gone there a lot before.

he makes his way across the street and walks in, inhales the strong coffee smell but gags. maybe he doesn't like coffee. he orders himself a hot chocolate and once he gets it, he takes a seat by the front window so he can take in his surroundings. he hates how he doesn't remember anything about his past life, he'd love to know everything that he's been through, especially in his relationship with chanyeol. poor chanyeol, he thinks. to lose your husband like that with no chance of saving him. if only he knew jongin was alive again.

he hears the door open but doesn't pay it any attention until he hears the cashier speak.

"chanyeol, you're here," he says. "are you okay?"

jongin's head shoots around at the mention of the name and when his eyes land on the tall man in the shop, his heart almost bursts. he knows it's him, it's his chanyeol.

"how do you think i'm doing, baekhyun?" chanyeol says. "i lost my husband 3 days ago and no one's given me any time to grieve."

"you were injured too, yeol," 'baekhyun' says.

"i don't care! he died!"

the whole café turn at the outburst but chanyeol doesn't seem to care as he crouches down in a ball and sobs. jongin wants to get up, to ease chanyeol's, and his, broken heart but he doesn't think he can. chanyeol just lost someone he loves and while jongin knows who he is, chanyeol has no idea jongin is in the same room, staring at him in agony.

"i'm here," he whispers, loud enough that only he can hear. he catches baekhyun's eye and sees the latter give him a long look over. noticing the look of pain in jongin's eyes at his crying husband, baekhyun smiles. 'jongin' he mouths. jongin blanks. _how does he know?_

without a second thought, jongin runs out of the shop, not looking back to see if anyone was watching him. he leans against the side of the building and grabs at his chest to calm his heart. there's no way baekhyun could possibly know who he is, he looks completely different. how could he just come to the conclusion that it's him when no one knows what happened to him. unless...

"jongin," baekhyun says, startling jongin. his head snaps to the side and he sees the small guy staring up at him.

"jongin, i know it's you," baekhyun says, bringing jongin's attention back.

"h-how... how do you know?" he asks shakily.

"it's happened to me, i have the same gift as you."

jongin's jaw drops at the same time a smile grows on baekhyun's face.

"look, i have to get back to work, but come back later? we should talk," he says. jongin nods, silently watching baekhyun walk back into the café. _what the hell?..._

———————————————————————

jongin goes back to the shop when the sun is setting and notices it's just him and baekhyun inside.

"oh, jongin, hey," baekhyun says, catching jongin off guard. "take a seat, i'll be right there."

jongin does as he says, sitting down in the same place as before. he doesn't have much time to think before baekhyun is sitting down opposite him, two drinks in his hands.

"you ordered hot chocolate earlier so i made you another," he says. jongin thanks him and takes a small sip, trying to gather his thoughts.

"how did you know, baekhyun?" he asks.

"i've known ever since chanyeol introduced us all those years ago," baekhyun replies. "you had some kind of energy about you, one that i recognized from when i woke up. i didn't say anything at first because; one, i'd just met you and chanyeol wanted me to make a good first impression, and two, how do you tell someone 'oh yeah, you've got this special gift that if you get killed, you're gonna come back to life'? you can't do that.

when chanyeol told me you'd passed away in the car accident, i was sad, yes, but i knew you'd be back. i wasn't expecting it to be so soon, but i knew it was you the second i said chanyeol's name and your head whipped around. then the raw pain i saw on your face as you watched him cry, it's the way old you looked at him, too. it wasn't hard to figure out."

"when you woke up, did you remember anything?" jongin asks after a moment of silence.

"only my parents. i made it my mission to find them again and i did, but god it was so difficult when they didn't recognize me. it took months and a lot of explaining and research for them to take me back in again. what about you?"

"chanyeol, that's it."

baekhyun smiles. "they say you remember the thing that's most important to you. as i was only 16 when it happened, my family were still the most important. as chanyeol's your husband, it makes sense that he's the only thing you remember."

"does he know about this?"

"no, he wouldn't believe me if i told him."

jongin deflates, leaning back against his chair.

"i know nothing about him but i feel a need for him. i want him around, i never want him to feel sad again," he says.

"you don't remember anything about him, there's a difference between not knowing and not remembering. you knew every single thing about him and i'm sure with time everything will come back," baekhyun says. "now, enough of the heavy for today, do you have anywhere to go?"

"i, uh..." jongin sighs. "no, i guess i used to live with chanyeol but i can't do that anymore so i don't."

"alright, you can stay with me. let's go, it's pretty late."

baekhyun stands up so jongin follows, letting baekhyun lead him to his apartment.

———————————————————————

when jongin wakes up the next morning, he rushes into baekhyun's bathroom and sighs when he sees his reflection. _it wasn't a dream..._

"you okay, jongin?" he hears baekhyun ask.

"i thought it was all a dream," he says. baekhyun walks towards the bathroom and smiles sympathetically, leaning against the door frame.

"i felt the same when it happened to me," he says. "do you want some breakfast?"

"sure, thanks."

they walk into baekhyun's kitchen and jongin jumps when he sees someone familiar asleep on the couch.

"why is he here?" he whisper yells.

"he stopped by last night and asked to stay the night, i'll make sure you don't have to see him," baekhyun replies.

"who doesn't want to see me?" jongin squeaks as chanyeol sits up, rubbing his eyes clear of sleep. his gaze lands on jongin, whose heart does a backflip at having the warm, chocolate coloured eyes on him.

"oh, hi," chanyeol says, "i don't think we've met before, i'm chanyeol."

"i'm, uh..."

"this is my friend, jongin," baekhyun says. jongin gives him a grateful look while chanyeol's friendly smile drops.

"jongin?" he asks.

"yes," baekhyun says. wanting to be friendly, jongin holds a hand out for chanyeol to shake.

"it's nice to meet you," he says. chanyeol slides his hand into jongin's and the warmth sends tingles through jongin's body. _did it always feel like that to touch him?_

"you, too," chanyeol says. he lets his eyes run over jongin's face, much to jongin's uncomfortableness, then sighs.

"you look nothing like him," he mumbles. jongin's heart drops but he pushes the thought away and forces a look of confusion on his face.

"who?" he asks.

"my husband, he died a few days ago," chanyeol says. his tired, droopy eyes smash what's left of jongin's heart.

"i'm so sorry," he says. "hey, i know we just met but do you want to talk about it? i have the same name as him, i'm guessing, maybe it will help?"

he sits down beside chanyeol who sighs, burying his face in his hands.

"i don't know where to start," he whispers.

"tell me how you met, what happened from then," jongin suggests. his heart is pounding in his chest and he's sure if chanyeol got any closer, he'd be able to hear it, too.

"i doubt you want to listen to me moping and crying over my dead husband," chanyeol says.

"you don't have to, i just thought you might like to let some weight off your shoulders," jongin says. chanyeol looks over at him and smiles a little.

"why are you being so nice to me? we don't know each other," he asks. _that's where you're wrong..._

"i don't like seeing people upset," jongin says. chanyeol nods, giving jongin a grateful smile.

"we met in high school," he starts. "we were in the same music class, he was a year ahead and i was a year behind, lucky how things worked out, and i played drums while he played piano."

_i did?_

"we were friendly enough to each other, not technically friends but acquaintances, but then we had a project and he asked me to be his partner. from then on we became super good friends.

at the end of high school, i had figured out that i had feelings for him so i asked him out. by some miracle he said yes, i never thought i'd have a chance with him, he was way too good for me."

_not true._

"anyway, we dated all through college and on his 25th birthday, i proposed. we married a year later and it was amazing. i was so in love, you know. i loved everything about him. he was cute, which was a bonus, but mainly, his personality just matched mine so well. we were made for each other, i was sure."

he stops for a second and wipes a tear that had landed on his cheek, and jongin feels tears welling up in his own eyes.

"he had just turned 28 when it happened. his birthday was the 14th, our wedding anniversary 10 days later. the night it happened was our 2 year anniversary. we'd been out for dinner and on the way home, as we were going through a green light, a truck barrelled through and hit his side of the car. he died on impact, i was told. made sense, he was hit really hard. i was taken to hospital with minor injuries but the love of my life was killed right beside me. i'm never going to get him back and i miss him so much. i'd do anything to get him back."

chanyeol breaks down crying so jongin pulls him into his arms, allowing him to sob on his shoulder.

"i'm so sorry," he whispers, trying to hide the fact that he's crying. i love you. he looks up at baekhyun who's smiling sympathetically at him.

"i'm sure wherever he is now, he loves you," he says, sitting beside chanyeol, putting his hand on the latter's thigh. jongin nods, choking back his tears when chanyeol looks up.

"i know he does," he says.

"why are you crying?" chanyeol asks, reaching up to wipe jongin's tears away. jongin's heart flutters in his chest and he has to force down the thought of grabbing chanyeol's hand.

"i told you i don't like seeing people upset," he says. "plus, you sound like you really love him, i'm sorry you had to lose him."

the right side of chanyeol's mouth lifts into a half-smile and once again, jongin's heart betrays him.

"you may not look anything like him but you're just as sweet as he was," chanyeol says. jongin blushes and quickly averts his gaze to his hands.

"i should go, i have to-" he stops. he doesn't have anything to do. he has no house, no job, no money. he's a no-one. "i have to go."

"jongin-" he doesn't wait for baekhyun to finish speaking before he runs out of the apartment. he leans against the wall and fans his face, trying to cool down his burning cheeks. it's not fair that chanyeol's able to make him feel like this, he doesn't even remember their marriage for gods sake. _why did he have to love someone so sweet?..._

———————————————————————

the next time jongin sees chanyeol is a week later. he's settled in at baekhyun's house, got hired at the latter's café, has his own clothes, and now has a phone, which chanyeol has been spamming after begging baekhyun for jongin's phone number. he couldn't find it in his heart to protest, the poor man is grieving and seems to have grown a little attached to jongin after he comforted him.

jongin is working a morning shift at baekhyun's café on saturday morning and is surprised to hear a deep voice call his name out. he looks up and blushes when he sees the tall man smiling at him from in front of the counter. he gives chanyeol a quick once-over and feels his heart swell when he sees his brown hair now a curled mess. it looks absolutely adorable.

"h-hi, chanyeol," he says. "is there something i can get you?"

"just a plain coffee," chanyeol replies. as there are no other customers, jongin starts making the coffee himself, desperately trying to avoid chanyeol's eyes. he fails, though, when he reaches up to get the milk and sees chanyeol watching his every move.

"why are you staring at me?" he asks.

"i- don't know..." chanyeol mumbles, looking down at his fingers instead. brushing off the weird feeling, jongin finishes the coffee and hands it to chanyeol. when the tall man doesn't leave, jongin inwardly sighs and leans against the counter.

"you're all dressed up today, where are you going?" he asks.

"oh, it's my husband's funeral today," chanyeol replies. jongin's heart drops and he feels his face pale under chanyeol's gaze. "i came here to, well, get a coffee for one thing, and to ask if maybe you wanted to come? i understand if you don't or can't because you never met him, but i feel comforted when you're around."

he obviously sees the 'what are you on about?' expression on jongin's face so he continues.

"it's weird. it's kind of like when you're around, he's around. don't take that the wrong way, i'm not using you to feel him but your presence just comforts me."

jongin can feel his face heating up again, and this time chanyeol seems to notice.

"you blush a lot when i'm talking to you. do you have a little crush on me?" he teases.

"shut up," jongin mumbles. "let me just call baekhyun and see if i can go."

he goes into the back room and calls baekhyun, who picks up pretty quickly.

"are you okay?" he asks.  
"i'm fine, but chanyeol's here and he kinda just invited me to the funeral today," jongin replies.  
"oh. well, do you want to go?"  
"i don't know. he wants me to and i want to be there for him but i feel like it might be a bit weird."  
"if he wants you there then i say you should go. he needs friends right now and that's what you are to him. i'll call someone in to take over your shift, so don't worry about that. go if you think you should."

jongin looks through the doors at chanyeol and sighs when he sees how sad the man looks.

"i'll go," he says.  
"okay, wait until your replacement arrives, okay?" baekhyun says.

jongin agrees then hangs up the phone. he walks back out into the café and smiles at chanyeol when he looks up.

"i'll go," he says. chanyeol smiles and thanks him. "i just have to wait until someone else gets here so i can leave. i can meet you there."

"no, i'll wait and drive you," chanyeol says. he sits down at one of the tables so jongin cleans while he waits for his replacement to arrive.

once jongdae is there, jongin walks over to chanyeol, who is engrossed in his phone, and taps his shoulder.

"let's go," he says. chanyeol gets up from the table and they leave, chanyeol leading jongin to his car. they get in and chanyeol starts driving in complete silence which seems unusual to jongin.

"are you okay?" he asks.

"no, distract me," chanyeol says.

"okay, uh... tell me about yourself. everything," jongin says.

"i'm 30 years old, i'm a kindergarten teacher, i was born here in seoul, i have a dog at home, his name is toben. that's about it."

"i love dogs!" _i do?_ "what kind of dog is he?"

"he's a small, black poodle. my jongin was actually the one that chose him, he fell in love at first sight."

_toben, i chose him. got it._

"tell me more about your job. working with kids sounds fun," jongin says.

"it is, i really love it. all of the kids are so sweet and cute," chanyeol says. "jongin loved them, too. i think he actually loved them more than me. whenever he would come and visit, he'd say he was there to see me, but i knew he was lying. he loved them and they loved him back. he was 'uncle jongin', everyone's favourite.

"we would always talk about having kids one day. whether it was through surrogacy or adoption, both of us wanted to be parents so badly. having a baby that would be ours to keep and love was a dream. but that's all it will ever be; a dream."

"don't think like that. you'll find someone else some day. you're going to fall in love again."

"it won't be the same. he was my everything, i'm nothing without him."

_i'm here! i promise you i'm here, i love you!_

"let's not talk about him anymore, i was supposed to distract you, remember?" jongin says. "what else could we talk about? oh, your family! tell me about them."

"i have my mom, dad, and sister. she's 3 years older than me, but we're really close. everyone says we look alike, too. i don't see it, she's ugly and i'm not." jongin laughs and he sees chanyeol's mouth twitch up. "she's married and has a son, jaehyun. he's a cutie, he loves me. i'm the cool uncle who spoils him. yoora hates it but that's my job, i need to be the laid back one that let's him do whatever he wants. i love him, he always makes me happy."

"that's cute, i'd like to meet him one day."

before he can freak out about what he said and apologize, chanyeol smiles at him.

"i'd like that, too," he says. jongin blushes and turns away so chanyeol can't see.

"don't ignore me, i still need a distraction," chanyeol says. jongin pushes all of his embarrassment away and starts another conversation to keep chanyeol distracted.

when they arrive at the graveyard, chanyeol leaves jongin to see his family so jongin walks over to the coffin in the middle. he looks inside and his knees wobble when he sees his old body. he grips onto the sides of the coffin for support but can't bring himself to pull away. he looks so broken, bruised everywhere, missing an arm, a very broken leg... jongin's never seen someone look so hurt. it's even worse knowing that used to be him.

"jongin," he hears. he looks around to see if anyone is talking to him, but he can't see anyone. "jongin, down here."

he looks down and gasps when he sees "other jongin's" eyes open.

"wha-"

"don't speak, just listen. take care of chanyeol, okay? i know you don't remember him but you love him so much. he's the best husband anyone could ever have and you have to make sure you don't lose him. please, for me, keep him."

jongin nods and "other jongin" smiles.

"i see we finally got the body we wanted, huh?" he laughs. "you're hot, i wish i looked like that."

"i'm sorry you're dead," jongin whispers.

"it's okay, i'm not really, you're here. it's just my body that's gone, our spirit is in you now. look after it, don't get killed again, chanyeol can't handle losing both of us. be good, jongin, be good."

jongin feels a tap on his shoulder and he jumps, startling chanyeol behind him.

"are you okay?" he asks. jongin looks back at his body and sighs in relief when he's back to being dead.

"i, uh... yeah, i'm fine," he says. "he's handsome."

chanyeol looks down at the body and sighs.

"he was, he was very lively and handsome before this happened," he says.

"he's still handsome," jongin says. god, that sounds narcissistic.

"can we go somewhere else? i don't want to look at him like this anymore," chanyeol says. jongin nods and the two find baekhyun with a group of other people.

"oh, there you two are," baekhyun says. "guys, this our new friend, jongin. yes same name. jongin, here we have sehun, kyungsoo, and taemin. they were jongin's best friends."

"oh, it's nice to meet you guys," jongin says. he scans the group and when his eyes land on kyungsoo, he feels a strange tingle run down his spine. he motions baekhyun away from the group and nods back to kyungsoo.

"why do i feel different looking at him?" he asks.

"ex-boyfriend," baekhyun replies.

"why is he here if he's my ex-boyfriend?"

"because you remained friends, and chanyeol wanted him to come."

jongin nods then he hears chanyeol call his name.

"it's starting, come and sit with me," he says. jongin walks over to him and sits in the seat beside him, baekhyun on his other side. he looks across from him and sees a woman who resembles his old body.

"my mom?" he asks baekhyun. baekhyun nods just as jongin's mom makes eye contact. jongin politely smiles and she smiles back but doesn't look away. her eyes send shivers down his spine, and he feels exposed. it's like she knows who he is.

he looks away when he hears the reverend say the service is starting. he feels chanyeol's hand grip his knee so he pats the top of it, squeezing chanyeol's fingers gently in what he hopes is a comforting gesture.

"hello everyone," the reverend says. "we are gathered here today to celebrate the life of kim jongin and say our final goodbyes." jongin hates the sound of that sentence. "whether you're a family member, a friend, a loved one, or even a friend of a friend, it is important that we pay our respects to the one we lost."

chanyeol's grip on jongin's knee tightens so jongin slides his hand under chanyeol's, clasping them together.

"i was told that a few people prepared things to say for today so i would like to invite jongin's mother to come up," the reverend says. jongin watches his mother walk up to the podium before her eyes land on him again. he feels the same shiver as before and he's positive she knows something.

"thank you all for coming today, jongin would really appreciate it," she says. "i don't even know what to say... losing my only son was the hardest thing i've ever had to go through. i never imagined i'd have to deal with it, i thought i would be long gone before he was. he was an amazing son, so loving and sweet, and it's heartbreaking to have such a person gone. but i know he's with us, i know he's here right now, hearing everything we're saying and feeling grateful that so many people love him." her eyes flicker to jongin for a second before she looks down at the coffin. "goodbye, my beautiful son, i'll love you forever."

she kisses her fingers and presses them to jongin's body's forehead before going back to her seat, wiping a few tears from her cheeks.

"thank you, mrs. kim," the reverend says. "i'd now like to invite mr. park chanyeol, jongin's ex-husband, up to speak."

jongin lets go of chanyeol's hand and the latter walks up the podium, the piece of paper shaking in his hands with every breath he takes.

"i'm not his ex-husband, we're still married," he says when he reaches the mic, "he's dead but we're still married." people laugh sadly and chanyeol manages a small 2-second smile. "jongin... he was the love of my life. still is, i don't think that'll ever change. he'll always be the first man i ever loved and that's special. he's so special to me. he taught me what happiness felt like, there was never a sad moment when we were together. that feeling is amazing and i will remember it when i look at pictures of him in the future. but not now.

"it's going to take a while for me to be okay again, i mean, how do you deal with losing the one person you love more than anything? it doesn't take a day, a week, a month, or even a year. it's going to take so many years for me to be fully healed from this. it may not even happen. i just wish i had him to take care of me because he did that so well. he knew everything about me, especially what i needed when i was sad. no one else knows, no one."

he stops talking as he chokes on some tears in the back of his throat.

"i'm sorry," he whispers. he turns away and jongin suddenly feels the need to go to him, so he does. he stands up and walks around so he can see chanyeol's face.

"be brave," he whispers, rubbing chanyeol's arm.

"it's too much," chanyeol says.

"you don't have to finish, i'm sure he knows everything you're going to say."

chanyeol pulls jongin into his arms so the latter wraps his arms around chanyeol's waist, letting him cry onto his shoulder.

"want to go and sit down?" he asks. after a few seconds, chanyeol shakes his head and lifts it off jongin's shoulder.

"can you stay?" he asks. jongin nods and let's go of chanyeol so he can turn back around, but stays behind him, his hand gently touching chanyeol's back so he knows he's there.

"i'm sorry, i just needed a moment," chanyeol says. "this is my friend, jongin, by the way. he has the same name as my jongin, it's cool. anyway, where was i?..."

he looks through his page and finds the spot he left off.

"one of the hardest things about losing jongin has been having to tell the people who care about him," he says. "as you all know, i'm a kindergarten teacher. jongin used to visit all the time and he grew attached to the kids. i've been back at work the past few days and every day, i get the same question; 'when is uncle jongin coming back to visit', and it's heartbreaking because every day i have to tell them that he won't be because he's in heaven now. poor kids, they don't understand what heaven is, they're only 4, so then it's a chorus of 'what's heaven?' 'i want uncle jongin to come back' 'can i go to heaven with him?'. i hate hearing that, i hate that they don't understand they'll never see him again."

chanyeol sniffles and jongin feels tears start dripping down his cheeks. he buries his face in chanyeol's back who reaches a hand behind to grip his arm.

"jongin had a favourite of the kids, her name is sunmi. she walked up to me at the end of class on friday and said 'mr. park, my mom told me that heaven is somewhere old people go. uncle jongin isn't old, so why did he go?'. i've never had a harder time not crying, i'll tell you that. i just told her that heaven is also a place where good people go, and jongin was the best person so he was meant to go. she seemed happy with the answer but i dread the day she understands what heaven is. i don't want any of them knowing where jongin is when all they want is to see him again.

"i've been talking for a long time now, so i think i should end this here. there are a thousand more things i could say about how amazing jongin was but i would be here for hours. all i want to say is how much i love him and always will love him. jongin, if you're here and listening, i will love you for the rest of my life, i promise you. i may move on someday, but always know my heart has a hole that only you are able to fill. i hope you're safe and happy where you are, i miss you, i love you."

he turns around to jongin and frowns when he sees him crying.

"was my speech that stupid?" he asks, trying to lighten the mood a little.

"shut up." jongin slaps chanyeol's chest gently then walks back to his seat, wrapping his arms around himself.

"why did i come?" he whispers to baekhyun.

"to make chanyeol feel better, it's working," baekhyun replies.

"it's too hard, i don't want to hear all these things."

baekhyun rubs his thigh so he lays his head on the smaller's shoulder. he looks at chanyeol beside him and sighs when he sees how sad he looks. he holds his hand out to the man who immediately takes it in his, squeezing it against him.

"the time has come to say goodbye to our friend forever," the reverend says. "i will ask for people to help lower his coffin."

a bunch of people stand up to help but before they can touch the coffin, chanyeol stops them. he walks over and leans down, quickly pressing a kiss on jongin's old body's forehead.

"goodbye," he whispers. he walks back to jongin and buries his head in his friend's neck, not wanting to see the lowering. jongin wraps his arm around chanyeol and rubs his head to comfort him while also hiding his face in chanyeol's hair.

"tell me when it's over," chanyeol says.

"okay," jongin replies.

he sneaks a glance after a little while and lets out a breath when he sees them covering the coffin with dirt.

"they're covering the coffin now," he tells chanyeol. chanyeol shakes his head and moves closer to jongin, rubbing the tears on his cheeks onto jongin's neck.

"i'm not looking until it's finished," he says. jongin continues to massage chanyeol's scalp until the burial is done and the grave stone is placed on top. he whispers chanyeol's name then but finds said man asleep on his shoulder. he tries to gently move away but chanyeol groans and snuggles closer, wrapping his arms around jongin's. he looks at baekhyun for help but sees him chuckling.

"help," he whispers.

"leave him be, he'll wake up soon," baekhyun says. without another option, jongin sits back and watches people start leaving, talking about some gathering at some restaurant.

"is there some kind of after event?" he asks baekhyun.

"everyone is meeting up at a restaurant to have dinner together," he replied.

"then shouldn't i wake chanyeol up?"

"go on then, he gets cranky though."

jongin turns to chanyeol and shakes his shoulder gently but chanyeol does nothing. he pokes chanyeol's cheeks instead but when that doesn't work, he strokes his hair.

"chanyeol, wake up," he says. chanyeol stirs then slowly lifts his head, eyes barely open.

"hey babe," he whispers, leaning up and kissing the corner of jongin's mouth. jongin freezes and watches chanyeol sit up, rub his eyes, then realize where they are. he turns to jongin with wide eyes and gasps when he realizes what he did.

"oh my god, i'm so sorry," he says. "i guess i was thinking about my jongin as i fell asleep and i woke up and thought you were him and, oh god, i didn't mean to kiss you, i'm sorry."

"hey, it's okay, it was an honest mistake, that happens," jongin says, putting his hand on chanyeol's thigh.

"other people have fallen asleep at their husband's funeral and kissed their friend once they woke up?"

"don't beat yourself up, chanyeol. you're tired and emotional, i understand."

chanyeol sighs, leaning his head on jongin's shoulder.

"you're such a good friend," he says. jongin feels his heart shatter at chanyeol's words. of course chanyeol only sees him as a friend, he doesn't know that jongin is his husband. honestly, jongin shouldn't even be feeling this way around chanyeol, especially considering he didn't know the man when he woke up. there's no reason he should have such strong feelings.

but he does, and he doesn't know how to handle them. he's in love with chanyeol, he knows that. all he wants to do is comfort his friend, wrap him up in his arms and protect him from the world, it's what he deserves. he hopes his past self was like that, the most loving husband for the most love-worthy man on the planet.

"jongin," he hears chanyeol say. he looks up and sees chanyeol's hand out-stretched to him.

"come on, we're going out for lunch now," he says. jongin accepts chanyeol's hand and let himself be pulled out of his seat. chanyeol slings his arm over jongin's shoulders and leads him towards his car, meeting jongin's mother halfway.

"hi, chanyeol," she says, stopping the boys so she can hug the taller.

"hi, mrs. kim, it's nice to see you again," chanyeol says.

"you, too, dear. i was wondering if i could get the chance to formally meet your new friend."

"oh, yeah. i will leave you two alone, jongin i'll be in the car."

"oh, don't worry dear, you go on ahead and i can drive him."

chanyeol looks at jongin for confirmation who nods, letting him know it's okay. chanyeol nods back and walks back to his car with baekhyun. jongin turns to his mother who immediately pulls him into her arms.

"i was hoping you'd come back," she whispers. smiling, jongin hugs her back, resting his head on hers.

"how did you know it was me?" he asks.

"you may not look like my jongin but you're my jongin," she says. "everything about the way you are is the same. especially the love i saw when you looked at chanyeol. i'm guessing he doesn't know." jongin shakes his head. "good, don't tell him yet. he needs to grieve before you tell him."

"i can't believe you recognized me but i didn't recognize you. i'm sorry i didn't."

"don't worry about it, honey, i've researched what you have and i know you only remember the most important thing to you. i'm guessing you only remembered chanyeol because he's your husband and he's the most important thing in your life."

he nods. "i love him but i don't think i should."

"nonsense, you're meant to be with him, in your old body or new. i'm sure he'll see that you're still you and he'll love you. he already seems pretty attached to you."

jongin laughs and nods in agreement.

"he says when i'm around, it's like old me is around. he doesn't know how true that is."

"take care of him, he's a sweet boy, he's going to cherish you."

"i will do everything i can to keep him happy."

jongin's mother smiles and wraps her arm around jongin's waist.

"come on, i'm sure he's waiting for you," she says.

when they arrive at the restaurant, jongin sees chanyeol sitting with what he assumes is his family, but with an empty seat beside him. not wanting to assume anything, he looks around to find where baekhyun is, but hears chanyeol call his name.

"come and sit," he says, pointing to the seat beside him. hesitantly, jongin walks over and sits down, smiling politely at chanyeol's family.

"mom, dad, yoora, this is my new friend, jongin," chanyeol says. "jongin, this is my family."

"it's nice to meet you all," jongin says.

"you're cute," yoora says, making jongin blush bright red. "are you single?"

"yoora!" chanyeol says.

"i'm just asking!"

jongin giggles. "i..." he pauses. is he? can he say he is? technically he's married but no one knows that. "i am."

"why did you hesitate?" yoora says.

"stop interrogating the poor boy. he's your brother's guest, be friendly," chanyeol's mom says.

"i'm just suspicious," yoora says. "suddenly a new guy named jongin comes into your life when i know i've never met another jongin before, it's not a popular name. you know there have been reports of people coming back to life in new bodies," _oh shit_ , "who's to say this isn't jongin? we can't know for sure."

"yoora, you're being an idiot."

"i'm just considering all possibilities."

"that's not even a possibility, that kind of stuff just doesn't happen."

jongin looks down at his hands, then feels chanyeol's hand land on his back.

"see, you've made him uncomfortable," he says. "come on, jongin, let's go and get some food."

he grabs jongin's arm and pulls him up from his chair, pulling him to the food table.

"i'm sorry about my stupid sister, she doesn't know when to stop talking," chanyeol says.

"it's fine," jongin says.

"hey, are you okay? you've been quiet and weird since my speech."

"yeah, i guess. i've just never been to a funeral before and i got emotional hearing you say how much you love him. it just sounds like your love was so beautiful and real and i'm jealous that you were able to find that. i want to have that one day."

chanyeol pulls jongin into his arms and strokes the back of his head, rocking them from side to side.

"you will, jongin, i promise you," he says. "you'll find someone who loves you so much, i know you will. you're a really sweet guy and whoever you end up with is going to be really lucky. don't worry, you will love someone one day."

jongin rests his head on chanyeol's shoulder and sighs.

"i don't want just anyone," he whispers. luckily chanyeol doesn't seem to hear him so he closes his eyes and buries his face in chanyeol's shoulder.

"everything will be okay."

"this is dumb, i'm the one that should be comforting you."

chanyeol chuckles and pulls away enough so he can see jongin but keep his hand locked in his hair.

"we can comfort each other," he says. jongin smiles, his eyes trailing up to chanyeol's.

"your jongin was so lucky to have you," he says. "and what i'm about to say is wrong, because you need time to heal, but i really want to kiss you, so i think it's time for me to leave."

he has no idea where his confidence came from but he doesn't care. he knows chanyeol suspects his feelings for him anyway.

"you don't have to go," chanyeol says.

"i really should before i do something i'll regret." he hesitantly leans forward and presses a kiss on chanyeol's cheek before turning away and walking to where he saw his mother.

"mom?" he whispers. she turns around and grins at jongin. "can you take me back?"

"you're not staying?" she asks.

"i don't think i should, chanyeol doesn't need me here anymore so i should go back."

"okay, honey, let's go."

jongin looks back at chanyeol and sees him watching him. ignoring the flutter in his heart, he lifts his hand and waves at chanyeol who waves back, smiling.

"see you tomorrow," he mouths. jongin nods once then turns back to his mother who's grinning at him.

"you're so going to get together," she says. jongin blushes and shakes his head.

"he won't want me when he figures out who i am," he says. his mother chuckles and wraps her arm around jongin's waist.

"you're adorable," she says. they walk out to her car and she drives them to a house jongin doesn't recognize.

"where are we?" he asks.

"your old house," she replies. they get out of the car and walk into the house, and jongin immediately feels a rush of memories flood through him. looking at the stairs, he sees a young him being chased by two older looking girls; looking at the kitchen, he sees a high school aged him kissing someone who resembles his ex-boyfriend kyungsoo; looking at the couch, he sees him and chanyeol snuggled under a blanket, watching some foreign movie. he doesn't remember any of these things happening, but he can see them so clearly.

"are you okay, honey?" his mother asks.

"i just had some flashback memories," he says. "do i have sisters?"

"two, they were at the funeral," she says. (i'm going to have to make up names, i don't know their actual names.) "the oldest, junghee, has a 4 year old daughter and 2 year old son, and the younger, jungah, owns her own café in seoul. you were the youngest so they loved to take care of you all the time. you were their baby."

jongin smiles then joins his mother on the couch. she scoots closer and places her hand on his leg, rubbing his thigh gently.

"i want you to tell me everything that's happened since you came back," she says.

"well, i woke up in this random building, i didn't know where i was, i didn't know how i'd gotten there, the only thing i remembered was chanyeol's name. didn't know who he was, though.

"a man came into the room and handed me some clothes before taking me to another room and telling me who i was, what had happened, and who chanyeol is, then sent me out of the building. i ended up downtown and the first place i wanted to go to was this coffee shop across the street. i walked in and that's where i met baekhyun and eventually chanyeol when he came in. baekhyun knew it was me immediately, as he also went through the same thing, and he told me about my life with chanyeol. because i didn't have anywhere to go, he offered to let me live at his place.

"basically since then, i've been living there, chanyeol and i have been slowly getting closer because he won't leave me alone, and now i've met you again. so life is pretty good so far."

jongin's mother smiles and runs her hand through his hair.

"i'm happy you're happy," she says.

"how was my life before? i wish i remembered something but i don't and i'd like to know."

"you were born on january 14th, 1994, it was one of the happiest days of my life. i'd always wanted a little boy, so i was beyond excited when you came out and i saw you were one. honestly, the first 14 years were perfect, you were the sweetest little boy.

“it was when you got into high school that your father and i started worrying about you. you had closed yourself off from us, you spent all of your time in your room, doing almost nothing. it was finally at the end of high school when you told us you were gay and had a boyfriend, chanyeol. little did we know you'd had a boyfriend before but hadn't told us. i was happy you were happy, but your father less so. your relationship kind of dissolved from there.

“but as soon as you entered university, you seemed good again. you spent all of your time with chanyeol and you were the most amazing couple i'd ever met, just so in love. almost a year after you finished university, chanyeol proposed and i knew it was a good choice, no one loved you more than he did, except me, of course.

“your wedding was beautiful, everything you'd ever hoped for. you were married for two years before the accident happened, but you probably already know this. your story was magical, almost fairytale, and i'm so sorry for you and chanyeol that it ended so quickly. but i'm sure you'll make another story that's just as amazing."

she wipes a tear off jongin's cheek then walks over to a shelf and grabs a photo album. she places it in jongin's lap and he reads the title, heart dropping. 'kim jongin and park chanyeol, our wedding.'

he opens the album and the first picture is one of him and chanyeol standing under the altar. he almost laughs at how short he used to he compared to chanyeol. now, they're a few centimetres apart, but then, jongin was at least 3 inches shorter. they looked good together, though.

he flips through the pictures and his frown deepens at how amazing they all were, how perfect they looked.

"i wish i hadn't died, i wish we could be happy together, i don't even remember him but i miss him so much," he whispers. his mom pulls her him to her and strokes his back as he continues to look through the pictures.

"can i keep this?" he asks.

"of course, sweetie," she says. he stops on a solo picture of chanyeol, and runs his thumb over the man's face.

"he's so beautiful," he says.

"he is, but so are you, you're going to be a beautiful couple one day."

"i don't think he's going to want me, mom."

"once he knows it's you, he's going to fall so in love with you."

he shakes his head then closes the album and gets off the couch.

"i think i should head back to baekhyun's. i'm kind of emotionally drained and i should sleep before i go to work tomorrow," he says.

"okay, i'll drive you," she says.

when they arrive at the apartment, jongin thanks his mom then drags himself to his designated bedroom where he flops down on his bed and falls asleep immediately, thoughts of chanyeol on his mind.

———————————————————————

jongin doesn't physically see chanyeol until a few days after the funeral when baekhyun asks him to run something down to chanyeol at work. he hesitantly agrees, worried about it being awkward between him and his friend after what he said a few days prior.

he takes the bus from the apartment to the school and when he arrives, walks into the main office.

"can i help you, sir?" the woman behind the desk asks.

"where is park chanyeol's classroom? i was asked to bring something to him," he says.

"if you walk down that hallway, his class is right at the end, you'll see it easily," she replies. he thanks her then leaves the office and awkwardly walks down the hallway, feeling the judging stares of teachers and students on him.

when he reaches chanyeol's classroom, he knocks on the door and his heart practically leaps out of his chest when chanyeol sees him and smiles. he waves him in so jongin opens the door and enters, bowing to the students.

"what are you doing here?" chanyeol asks.

"baekhyun told me to bring you this," he replies, handing chanyeol the brown bag in his hands. chanyeol peeks inside and smiles.

"he knows how much i love his scones," he says. he places the bag down then turns back to his class of confused students.

"uncle jongin!" a little girl yells. she runs to jongin and wraps her arms around his legs, almost knocking him over. he feels a smile grow on his face at the same time that chanyeol's falls.

"he's not your uncle jongin, sunmi," he says.

"yes he is!" she says. "he looks different though. did he change in heaven? heaven seems cool, i want to go!"

jongin looks at chanyeol and when he sees the pained look on the man's face, he bends down in front of sunmi and smiles at her.

"i'm not uncle jongin, i'm just mr. park's friend," he says.

"no! you are! i know you are uncle jongin!"

she wraps her arms around his neck and buries her face in his shoulder, so he picks her up, rubbing her back. he looks over at chanyeol and mouths an apology, sighing when the man just stares at him blankly. he looks back at sunmi and smiles gently, pushing some hair out of her face.

"i'm really sorry, honey, but i'm not your uncle jongin. i'm just mr. park's friend, okay?" he says.

she shakes her head and clings on even tighter to jongin.

"i don't think i'm really wanted here right now so i should leave and let you get back to class," he says. he puts sunmi down then turns to chanyeol.

"jongin, you don't have to go, i'm sorry for acting weird," chanyeol says.

"no, you're obviously uncomfortable with me coming here like your jongin used to so i'll go," jongin says.

"jongin-"

"i'll talk to you later, sorry for interrupting."

he turns to leave but chanyeol grabs his arm to stop him from moving.

"stay, please," he says. "it might help."

jongin studies chanyeol for a few seconds before nodding.

"okay," he says. sunmi squeals in delight and grabs jongin's hand, pulling him to where she was sitting.

"sit with me, uncle jongin! like you used to!" she says. he sits on the floor and lets her climb on his lap, and soon finds himself surrounded by all of the kids who also want to sit on him.

"little ones, pay attention to mr. park, okay? i can only stay if you listen to him, he'll make me leave if i'm distracting you," he says. the kids immediately turn their attention back to chanyeol who has to snap himself out of what he was thinking. jongin smiles at him and he finds himself smiling back, his chest feeling light at the sight in front of him. _so much like his jongin..._

"okay, kids, it's time to draw, let's draw some nice pictures to show our new friend jongin," he says. the kids run to the drawing tables but sunmi stays sat in jongin's lap.

"are you going to go and draw, sunmi?" jongin asks.

"i'm not good at drawing, uncle jongin, remember?" she says. he looks up at chanyeol and when he sees him talking to another kid, he turns sunmi around so she's facing him and smiles at her.

"mr. park doesn't know that it's me, okay?" he whispers. "i haven't told him yet, can you please keep it quiet, i don't want him to know."

"why not? don't you love him?"

"of course i do, but he doesn't love me, honey."

"he does love you! you're married, he does love you!"

"we're not married, he was married to the old me."

sunmi doesn't seem to understand but jongin leans forward and presses a kiss on her forehead.

"come on, let's go and draw a picture together," he says. he lifts her up then takes her hand and brings her to an empty table. he sits on one of the small chairs, grinning when sunmi climbs on his lap again.

"what do you want to draw, sweetie?" he asks.

"i want to draw you and mr. park," she whispers. she picks up a crayon and scribbles two figures, one super tall and one short. jongin's smile drops but he just watches sunmi draw the old him and chanyeol. how did she even figure out it was him? he looks nothing like he used to. unless his personality is exactly the same, sunmi must be some kind of genious. or maybe... just maybe she also has the gift... no that's a worst case scenario. jongin shakes his head and focuses back on sunmi just in time for her look back at him.

"do you like it, uncle jongin?" she asks. she lifts it up so he can see it and he fakes a smile for her.

"it's beautiful, sunny," he says. she places it down on the table then turns around so she's looking at him again.

"i missed you, uncle jongin," she says. "please don't leave me again, i love you."

jongin smiles sadly and wraps his arms around sunmi, pulling her into his chest.

"i don't plan on going anywhere," he says. he rests his head on hers and closes his eyes, feeling the familiarity seep into him. he must have done this before with her.

"this doesn't look like drawing to me." chanyeol's voice startles jongin and he shoots up, eyes landing on the tall man in front of him.

"i already finished my drawing, mr. park!" sunmi says. she hands chanyeol the picture and his smile falters slightly. "look, it's you and uncle jongin!"

"it's beautiful," he says. "let's go and hang it up."

he hold his hand out for her and takes her to the wall near his desk, lifting her up so she can stick it on. a bell rings then so chanyeol puts sunmi down and she runs to the other kids at the classroom door.

"it's their break so i'm going to get them ready then come back," chanyeol tells jongin. he nods and while chanyeol is out, he tidies up the mess the kids made.

when chanyeol comes back, he sits at his desk and pulls a chair up for jongin to sit in.

"i really am sorry for acting so weird," he says.

"it's okay," jongin says.

"it's just weird, you know? my jongin used to come all the time and hang out with the kids and it felt strange having someone else come in. and sunmi took to you so fast, faster than with jongin, then she was calling you 'uncle jongin'..."

he stops to take a breath and jongin places his hand on his thigh for comfort.

"i'm sorry, jongin's death is still so new and my brain is making stupid things up to explain why it happened. i'm not used to life without him, we were together for so long i don't know how to live alone."

jongin sighs then lifts chanyeol's chin up, forcing the other man to look at him.

"chanyeol, calm down, okay? you're going to be okay, just give yourself some time to breathe," he says. chanyeol does as he says, closing his eyes to try and relax.

"i think i should go back now, i've disrupted you and your class so i'm going to go home. i'll talk to you later, okay?"

chanyeol nods so jongin stands up, ruffles chanyeol's hair gently, then leaves the classroom and walks to the bus stop. as soon as he arrives, he sits down and lets out a breath he was holding. 

_poor chanyeol..._

——————————————————————— 

it's been 6 months since jongin and chanyeol first met, and chanyeol seems to finally be feeling better. he's laughing more, smiling more, and is able to talk about past jongin without bursting into tears. it has only been 6 months so he has a long way to go, but everyone is noticing a difference in his energy level.

when chanyeol arrives at jongin and baekhyun's apartment for their weekly movie night, jongin notices that he's practically glowing.

"what's got you so excited?" he asks.

"it's dumb, but i got asked out today at the supermarket," chanyeol replies. jongin feels his heart drop and he coughs to hide his disappointment.

"that's... great?" he says.

"it was unexpected," chanyeol says. "i said no, i'm not ready for a relationship yet, but it was kind of nice, i guess, that people find me attractive."

"that's not hard to believe, have you seen you?" baekhyun says. chanyeol chuckles, rolling his eyes, then plops down beside jongin on the couch and slings his arm over his shoulder.

"what are we watching tonight?" he asks.

"don't know yet," baekhyun replies. chanyeol looks at jongin beside him so the latter fakes a smile.

"what's wrong, nini?" he asks. that's the newest development in their friendship, giving each other nicknames. chanyeol is 'yeol' and jongin has become 'nini'. jongin doesn't know why that's his nickname, but he thinks it's cute and seeing as chanyeol's the one who gave it to him, he doesn't mind it.

"just tired, long day," he replies. chanyeol smiles then moves jongin's head to rest on his shoulder.

"you can take a nap, i don't mind," he says.

"i don't want to," jongin says. "i want to stay awake and watch the movie."

chanyeol chuckles. "you're adorable."

jongin blushes as he slides his hand into his hair and massages his scalp.

"you know, yeol," baekhyun says, "i think maybe you should consider dating again. i know it's only been a few months but you're not getting any younger here."

"i don't think jongin would want me moving on so fast," chanyeol says. "i still love him, baekhyun, more than anything. i don't think i'm ready to give what's left of my heart to someone else."

"i think chanyeol's right, baek, he should have some time to decide what he really want before he moves on," jongin says. baekhyun raises an eyebrow at jongin who turns away, blushing as he buries his face in chanyeol's shoulder.

"are you sure you're not saying that because you want me all for yourself?" chanyeol asks.

"you know i'd take you for myself but i'm not for your sake," jongin says. _where the hell did that confidence come from?..._

"such a gentleman," chanyeol teases. he makes kissy faces at jongin who pushes him away, grumbling about him being stupid.

"can we just get on with the movie?" he asks.

"aw, are you embarrassed?"

"just annoyed, stop being annoying."

chanyeol chuckles then grabs the remote from the couch and turns netflix on. jongin looks over at baekhyun and frowns when the latter shakes his head at him.

"what?" he mouths.

"you're flirting," baekhyun mouths back. jongin shakes his head and baekhyun nods in return.

"stop have secret conversations, i feel left out," chanyeol says. jongin looks at him and he smiles before leaning in and pressing a kiss on jongin's temple.

"what was that for?" jongin asks.

"you're cute," chanyeol replies. jongin stares at him blankly until he chuckles. "this is where you tell me i'm cute, too."

"my mother told me never to lie," jongin teases. chanyeol slaps a hand over his heart in mock offence, making jongin smile.

"i'm hurt."

"boohoo."

chanyeol prods jongin's side with his finger and the latter squirms away which seems to please chanyeol.

"are you ticklish?" he asks.

"no," jongin grumbles.

"i think you are." he pokes jongin again but keeps his hand at his friend's side, lightly wiggling his fingers against him.

"chanyeol, stop," jongin says. chanyeol shrugs and moves his hand away so jongin relaxes, but a second later, he's being full on tickled. he lets out a squeal of shock and chanyeol delights in the sound, finding it adorable. jongin tries to fight back so chanyeol pushes him over and sits on his legs to pin him down while he continues to tickle his sides.

"chanyeol, you asshole, stop tickling me," jongin whines between laughs.

"nah, you're so cute when you laugh," chanyeol says. jongin frowns and proceeds to reach up and tickle chanyeol in retaliation. chanyeol laughs obnoxiously loud, face breaking into his huge, ugly grin, and jongin feels his heart beat faster just at the sight. he grabs chanyeol's hands from his side and yanks them away, making the taller fall down on him. he grunts in pain as chanyeol lands on him but the latter grins and relaxes even more so jongin is holding all of his weight.

"get off me, you big loaf," jongin grunts.

"you caused this, deal with it," chanyeol says. jongin wraps his arms around chanyeol's neck and grips his hair, pulling his head back so the latter looks at him.

"get off me."

"no."

"chanyeol."

"yes?"

"you're ugly and i hate you."

"same to you."

"get off me or i'll kiss you."

"you won't, you're a chicken."

"don't test me, i will kiss you."

"do it then."

he raises his eyebrows at chanyeol who just smirks back. jongin puckers his lips and chanyeol does it back, eyes wide in a challenging way.

"are you gonna do it or just lie there?" he asks. jongin lifts his head up and when chanyeol's eyes widen thinking he's actually going to do it, he moves to kiss his cheek instead.

"now get off me," he says, pushing at chanyeol who easily pulls back. he sits back up on the couch and, at the disappointed look baekhyun gives him, shrinks into himself.

"can i talk to you in the kitchen?" baekhyun asks jongin. reluctantly, the younger agrees and follows the former into the other room.

"what are you doing?" baekhyun whisper yells when they're alone.

"i'm not doing anything, he started it!" jongin whispers back.

"you're flirting with him! it's only been 6 months since his husband died, he said himself that he's not ready for another relationship!"

"i'm not trying to date him, baekhyun, i'm just being his friend. sure i'm in love with him or whatever but i'm his husband, remember? i know i look different but my feelings are all still there. you said yourself that it's time for him to start thinking about dating again and now you're going back on your word? do you not like me or something?"

"of course i like you i just don't want him to get his heartbroken again."

"i'm not like that, i'm going to stick around this time."

"what about when he finds out who you are? do you not think he's going to be upset that you've kept it from him?"

"i do, and i think he'll be upset with you, too, seeing as you've known longer than i have."

baekhyun scowls but their intense eye-lock is broken when they hear a cough behind them.

"what have you known longer than jongin has, baekhyun?" chanyeol asks. the two turn around and see the tallest standing in the door frame with his arms crossed and brows furrowed.

"chanyeol, i-" baekhyun starts but chanyeol holds a hand up to stop him.

"the truth," he says. jongin sighs and walks to put his hand on chanyeol's arms.

"let's talk in the living room, okay?" he says. chanyeol nods and they head into the living room, sitting down on the couch.

"before i explain this and you don't believe me and don't want to be friends with me anymore, i just want you to know that i love you and wasn't telling you this for your own good." chanyeol nods again so jongin takes a deep breath, squeezing his fingers together.

"have you ever seen or heard stories about people who die and come back in new bodies?" he asks.

"yes, but they're complete bullshit," chanyeol replies.

"they're not, yeol. i know two people who it's happened to and so do you. one is baekhyun and the other is me. we both died and came back in a different body, him when he was a teenager and me 6 months ago."

"there's no scientific proof for that."

"i know there isn't but i also know what happened to me. i woke up in a strange building where someone told me that i'd died and then i was sent out to find the one person that i remembered."

"who was that?"

"my husband. the one who i'd been in the car crash with that killed me on our 2 year anniversary."

"what are you saying, jongin?"

jongin sighs and places his hand on chanyeol's arm again.

"i'm saying that i'm jongin. your jongin. the one who died 6 months ago."

"no, you can't be," chanyeol says, shaking his head as if trying to un-hear what jongin said.

"i know i don't look like him but i am," jongin insists. "it's me, chanyeol, i'm jongin."

"that's impossible, he's dead, i saw him get buried," chanyeol says.

"just because my old body is gone doesn't mean i am. i'm still me, the man you fell in love with."

"no you're not, that's impossible! you're not my jongin." chanyeol pulls his arm away from jongin like he's been burnt and it makes jongin's heart ache.

"i'm sorry, i know this is a lot to take in, but it's me, chanyeol," he says. "why do you think i get along with your jongin's mom so well? why do you think i cried at the funeral? where do you think i came from? i've never told you anything about my family, remember?"

"i-" he seems at a loss for words. "i don't know, it's just impossible for you to be him. i don't believe it."

jongin looks back at baekhyun for help but the latter just smiles sadly and shrugs his shoulders.

"is this a joke?" chanyeol asks. "are you playing a trick on me? because if you are this is a horrible thing to joke about."

"no, i'm not playing a trick on you." jongin's starting to get a bit frustrated now. "look, all i can tell you is that i'm your husband."

"prove it," chanyeol says.

"how?"

"tell me something only my jongin would know. what was the name of my pet ferret when i was a child?"

jongin's mouth opens, hoping an answer will just spill out, but he has absolutely no idea.

"i- i don't know," he admits.

"see, you're lying! i told jongin multiple times about my ferret, he would know."

"chanyeol," it's the first time baekhyun's spoken and they both whip around to him in shock. "when you wake up in a new body you only remember one thing; the name of the person who means the most to you. for me it was my mom's name and for jongin it was yours. when he came into the café that first day i knew it was him, you wanna know how? he didn't know you but as soon as he saw you he fell back in love. he's not lying."

"this is all too weird," chanyeol says, refusing to listen to what baekhyun said. "there's no way, you must be lying. you're just telling me this because you're in love with me and you want me to love you back but that's never going to happen. i'll never love you, especially not after this. you're a liar and you're a terrible person."

what's left of the hope in jongin's heart seeps out as it breaks into millions of pieces. he feels tears welling up in his eyes so he jumps off the couch and runs out the front door, ignoring baekhyun calling his name. he doesn't quite know where to go so he just heads for his mom's house. when he gets there, he's out of breath and his face is soaked with his tears. he knocks on the door and it opens to a woman he recognizes as his sister.

"i- i need... i need mom," he breathes out between sobs. his sister's face softens, obviously realizing who he is, and moves aside to let him in. he sees his mom sitting on the couch and runs to her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

"jongin, what's wrong?" she asks, rubbing his back soothingly.

"ch-chanyeol called me horrible things," he cries.

"what? why?"

"i-i told him and he didn't believe me."

"what did he say?"

"he called me a liar and accused me of lying because i love him then said he'll never love me because i'm a horrible person."

his mom sighs and moves her hand up to stroke his hair. the house phone begins to ring then so she picks it up and jongin can hear baekhyun's voice on the other line.

"yeah, he's here... he's not okay... i'll hand you over." she holds the phone out for jongin so he takes it and holds it up to his ear.

"jongin?" baekhyun asks.  
"hmm," jongin mumbles.  
"i'm so sorry about what he said. you're not a terrible person, i feel awful for what i said to you in the kitchen, i'm so, so sorry."  
"i'm not upset at you."  
"i know, but i still feel horrible. chanyeol does, too. he's sorry for what he said about you."  
"i don't care what he has to say. i'm glad he feels horrible, he should. i get it was a lot for him to take in but what he said was uncalled for."  
"he knows that."  
"good. do me a favour and tell him not to talk to me, okay? i need time to get over him and i won't be able to do that if he's around."  
"okay, i'll tell him. i'm sorry again."  
"it's not your fault."

they say goodbye so jongin hangs up the call and puts the phone down on the coffee table.

"can i come and stay with you for a bit?" jongin asks his mom.

"sure, honey," she replies. "won't he come looking for you here, though?"

"he doesn't believe that you're my mom so i don't think so."

"okay. do you have to go and get clothes?"

"yeah, i'll be back."

when he gets back to baekhyun's apartment, he realizes that chanyeol's still there when he hears him talk.

"how am i supposed to believe him, baekhyun?" he says.

"i know it's hard to believe but what you said was completely uncalled for," baekhyun replies. "think about how hard this all must be for him. he didn't know who his family was, who his friends were, but the one person he knew was you. he loves you, he's loved you since the moment he found you again, and for you, the person he's loved longest in this new world of his, to say all of those awful things to him... i can't even imagine what he's feeling right now. i'm sure he's heartbroken. he's not trying to get into a relationship with you, he just wants you in his life."

jongin can't bear to listen to any more of the conversation so, holding his head up, he walks right through the kitchen and living room, ignoring chanyeol when he calls his name. he walks into his bedroom and shuts the door before grabbing a small suitcase with some things.

"you're leaving?" baekhyun asks. jongin shoots around, having not heard the door open, and his heart drops when he sees how sad baekhyun looks.

"i'm going to go and stay somewhere else for now, i don't want to be around here if he is," he says. baekhyun frowns and holds his arms out for a hug so jongin walks over, chuckling. he wraps his arms around baekhyun's shoulders and squeezes him tight.

"thank you for letting me live with you, i really appreciate you being so nice to me when i didn't know anyone," he whispers.

"you're such a cute little bear i didn't just want to leave you on the street," baekhyun says.

jongin pulls away and splutters at his words. "i'm not a bear!"

"you're a little bear cub, so cute and sleepy." baekhyun reaches up and scratches at jongin's hair, which the latter reluctantly admits feels amazing.

"i have to go," he says.

"can you tell me where you're staying?" baekhyun whispers. jongin mumbles it into baekhyun's ear with the promise that the latter won't repeat it to chanyeol. they pack up jongin's things together then head back out into the living room where jongin is cornered by chanyeol.

"jongin, i-" jongin puts a hand up in chanyeol's face, effectively cutting him off.

"i know you're sorry but that doesn't take back what you said," he says.

"i didn't mean it," chanyeol says.

"except you obviously did because otherwise you wouldn't have said it." he slides out from in front of chanyeol and walks to the front door.

"jongin, please," chanyeol whispers pitifully. "i don't want to lose you, too."

"you should have thought about that before. goodbye chanyeol."

jongin leaves the apartment feeling heartbroken but ready to move on.

——

6 months later sees jongin with a job at the local animal shelter so he can play with all the little puppies, and enjoying life. he hasn't seen chanyeol in months and he thinks he's finally gotten over his feelings. he can't help but miss him, though. baekhyun's told him things; chanyeol moved in with him, has started dating again, and misses jongin like crazy. it's been over a year since past jongin died and jongin hopes that chanyeol has healed from it. he doesn't hate him anymore, just feels sad that it all ended how it did.

as jongin's about to close up the shelter one night, the bell above the door rings, signalling that someone has walked in. he looks up from the front desk and his brain stops functioning when he sees chanyeol. the two make eye contact and jongin could hear a pin drop with how silent it is.

"hi," chanyeol whispers.

"h-hi," jongin replies, cursing at himself for stuttering.

"i haven't seen you in so long, how are you?" chanyeol asks.

"fine. you?"

"fine." it's silent again after that; jongin expecting chanyeol to explain why he was there and chanyeol waiting for jongin to ask.

"can i do something for you?" jongin finally asks.

"i want to adopt another dog," chanyeol replies.

"okay. i'm actually closing up now but if you come back tomorrow you can talk to someone."

"will you be in?"

"no, i don't work fridays."

"can we go and get a drink, then?"

jongin hesitates, making chanyeol frown.

"please?" he asks. "i want to catch up, i miss you."

"okay. give me 20 minutes and i'll be done," jongin relents. chanyeol nods and leaves so jongin can finish closing up.

once he's done, he locks the building door and follows chanyeol to baekhyun's café. they get a table near the front and chanyeol walks up to the counter to order their drinks. he comes back a few minutes later and the first thing he does is start apologizing to jongin.

"i just still feel so awful about everything i said to you," he says. "you didn't deserve it, i was just confused and emotional and i lashed out. i'm so sorry."

"you don't need to apologize anymore," jongin says. "i've forgiven you. it actually helped, i was able to get over you knowing there was no way you felt the same, so i should probably thank you."

"oh, you're welcome, i guess." there's something off about the way he says it but jongin refuses to look into it.

"i heard you're dating again, that's good," jongin says.

"uh, yeah. i've been on a few dates but none of them have turned into anything else," chanyeol says.

"well, i'm sure you'll find someone you like soon." chanyeol nods and looks down at his hands, ringing them together on the table.

"i researched what you have," he says hesitantly. "i still don't understand it but after the research and talking to baekhyun and your mom, i realized that you were telling the truth. i'm sorry i didn't believe you, it was just a lot for my dead husband to come back to life in another body."

"i know, it's okay," jongin says. "it was hard for me to understand, too. i don't expect you to suddenly understand everything but i'm just happy that you know and i don't have to hide it anymore."

"i am, too," chanyeol agrees. "if it's not too much to ask, can i have your number? i got a new phone because i broke mine and i don't have it anymore."

"yeah, sure." they exchange numbers, jongin having deleted chanyeol's to not hear from him, then jongin decides it's time for him to leave.

"i have to get up early tomorrow so i should probably go before it's too late," he says.

"where are you living now?" chanyeol asks.

"i'm actually in the same apartment block as baekhyun, just a few floors up."

"can i walk you home, then?"

"i guess so." they grab their things and head towards their apartment building.

"would you be interested in hanging out soon?" chanyeol asks. "i miss you a lot."

"i don't know, chanyeol..." jongin says. "i'm worried that if i spend too much time with you my feelings will come back."

"is that such a bad thing?"

"what are you talking about?"

"what if i told you that i want your feelings to come back?"

"chanyeol, stop."

"no, jongin, listen to me." chanyeol stops walking and grabs jongin's hand. "after finally realizing you were telling the truth, i realized my feelings for you. you're my jongin, i love you and i have to be with you again."

"so you only want to be with me because of who i used to be?" jongin asks. "chanyeol, i may have the soul of your old husband but i'm also a brand new person. i don't want you to project your old relationship onto me, i'm not the same man. if you like me because of who i am now then that's fine but i know you only like me because i used to be married to you."

"jongin, that's not it, i promise," chanyeol says. "i know you're not the same jongin that i fell in love with the first time but i've fallen for you again. you, jongin, the new one."

"how am i ever going to know if you're telling the truth?"

"i guess you won't, you'll just have to believe me."

jongin decides they shouldn't have this conversation in public so he offers for chanyeol to come up to his apartment. once there, they sit on jongin's couch, jongin making sure to leave some space between them, but chanyeol scoots closer so their thighs are touching.

"look, jongin, i know it's going to be hard for you to believe me but just listen," he says. "i know you're not my old jongin and that's totally okay. your personalities are very similar but there are some huge differences and that's what i've fallen for: you're shyer than jongin was and i think it's absolutely endearing; you're also way more graceful than him, you move like you're floating and it's beautiful; and most of all, you're absolutely gorgeous. i know that's really superficial of me to say but i'm just so attracted to you. you are everything that i loved the first time with even more and you're just so perfect to me.

"you know, i'm glad you're not the old jongin. i loved him more than anything but we weren't perfect together. i think he was meant to pass when he did and you were meant to come to me. what you are now is perfect for me and i love you. i love you so much and i can't lose you."

jongin is speechless, he did not expect anything chanyeol said. he thought chanyeol might just have some innocent feelings for him but him saying he loves him...

"chanyeol, i-"

"you don't have to say anything, nini, but you needed to know in case you wanted to leave again," chanyeol says. "i'm sorry if i've made you uncomfortable."

he tries to get off the couch but jongin slides onto his lap before he can and cups chanyeol's cheeks to press their lips together. chanyeol gasps in surprise but quickly recovers and kisses jongin back. he slides his hands into jongin's back pockets so jongin slips his up the front of chanyeol's hoodie to rest on his abs. he begins to rock his hips against chanyeol's and the elder groans, squeezing jongin's ass in retaliation.

"i love you," he whispers.

"i love you, too," jongin replies, "so much." chanyeol flips jongin onto his back and straddles his hips, not breaking the kiss once. he flicks his tongue back into jongin's mouth and jongin immediately sucks on it, gently scraping the top with his teeth.

"jongin, have you seen- oh, he's here." the two break away like they've been burnt when baekhyun's voice rings through the apartment.

"baekhyun, hi," chanyeol says, an awkward smile on his face.

"what's going on here?" baekhyun asks. he walks into the apartment so chanyeol climbs off jongin and holds his hand out to pull jongin up.

"you know how i told you about my feelings for jongin?" chanyeol says.

"yeah..."

"well, i told him. and he feels the same." baekhyun looks at jongin so he nods, busying himself fixing his shirt.

"so are you two dating now?" baekhyun asks.

"we haven't talked about it yet," chanyeol replies. "we should, though."

"okay then, i'll leave you two alone to talk." baekhyun walks towards the front door but pauses before he leaves. "chanyeol, will you be coming home tonight?"

"no, he can stay," jongin pipes up. chanyeol turns to him in shock but he refuses to look at him as his cheeks heat up.

"okay." baekhyun sounds weary but he leaves anyway, the apartment suddenly becoming too quiet for jongin.

"it's late, let's go to bed," he says. he jumps off the couch and rushes into his bedroom to busy himself changing.

"jongin, let's talk about us," chanyeol says.

"can we do it tomorrow? i'm really tired and it's been a long day." chanyeol chuckles and nods, smiling softly at jongin. jongin gives him some pyjamas to borrow and a new toothbrush and in less than 20 minutes they're lying in jongin's bed, face to face.

"do you actually love me?" jongin asks.

"yes, jongin, i love you," chanyeol says. he takes jongin's hand in his and kisses all of his fingers. "you mean so much to me and i'm so glad i have you back."

jongin smiles and wiggles closer to chanyeol to bury his face in his chest. he wraps his arm around chanyeol's waist, beaming when he feels chanyeol's laugh rumble through him.

"good night, jongin," he says.

"'night yeol," jongin replies. and he falls sleep with a smile on his face for the first time in months.

——

they talk everything out the next morning and decide that they're going to try and be boyfriends. they know it won't be easy, especially explaining everything to their families, but they don't want to wait any longer. jongin has loved chanyeol for over a year and he can finally call him his boyfriend.

the first person jongin tells is his mom who coos over them for half an hour, squeezing jongin's cheeks until they're bright red.

"i knew you two would end up together again," she said.

"mom," jongin whines. she just giggles and strokes his hair which he gladly leans into.

"i'm happy for you, really," she says. "i loved you two together the first time and even more this time. you're absolutely perfect for each other now, your personalities match so well."

"that's what i told him yesterday," chanyeol says, looking at jongin with an 'i told you so' expression.

"i never said we didn't!" jongin whines. chanyeol grins and pulls jongin into his side to kiss his forehead.

"so... when are you two getting married?"

jongin is still shaking his head when he and chanyeol leave an hour later.

"i can't believe she asked us that," he laughs.

"i know, i'd like to date you for at least a few years before we get married," chanyeol says. he slides his hand into jongin's and swings them between them as they walk back to jongin's apartment.

"this is going to last, right?" jongin asks.

"why are you so unsure about how i feel for you?" chanyeol asks in retaliation.

"i don't know, chanyeol, it's just that i'm worried i'm not going to live up to the standard of 'our' old relationship and you'll get sick of me."

chanyeol sighs and pulls jongin to a halt, leading him around a corner so they're alone.

"kim jongin, listen to me and listen good," he says. "i've already told you that i don't care that we were technically married before and i don't care about the relationship i had with past you, all i care about is the relationship we'll build this time. i love you for who you are now. we are going to last because i am going to make sure we do. i'm in this for the long haul and i hope you are, too."

"i am, i promise," jongin says, taking chanyeol's hands in his. "when i woke up i was so lost but i knew i had to find you. and when i did, you were so much more amazing than i could have imagined. i can't believe you love me, it honestly feels so unreal. i feel like i've grown a lot in the past year and i want to grow more with you. i love you so much, i just don't want to lose you."

"i know, jongin, i'd probably feel the same way if i were you," chanyeol says. he pulls jongin into his arms and the latter wraps him in a tight embrace, face planted in chanyeol's neck.

"you were meant to be re-born, jongin," chanyeol whispers. "we're going to get it perfect this time. we'll be together forever, i promise you. nothing will come between us."

and jongin truly believes him now. his death may have been a tragic accident but in a way he's glad it happened, too. chanyeol's right, they're perfect for each other now and he's not going to let anything change that. he's so lucky that he gets to be with his soulmate twice and he cannot thank the universe enough for letting him be re-born with the man he loves.


End file.
